So it has been a while since i have journaled but life has been a little chaotic.brittney does her best to send me a text about every ten days we go with out talking im pretty sure it is just to rile me up and make me feel even more lika a piece of shit than i already do.I dont understand it i cant stop loving her. I have tried so hard but no matter what i do it seems unlikely i will ever hold her again.I miss her so much. I miss her smile,i miss running my fingers through her hair.I miss her laugh and her silly jokes, even the ones that arent funny.I miss the way her face looks when she is confused.How cute she looks when she would ask me to make her something to eat.how excited she would always be when i went into her work to bring her food or just to hang out when she was bored. i miss her laying on my lap while we cuddle at night in front of the tv. I miss holding her in my arms every night till my arm fell asleep and still continue to lay because of how beautiful she looked sleeping.I love her with all my heart.I have never felt anything this powerfull in my life and i dont know if i will ever heal from this pain but god i hope i can.I love you Brittney so much My life is nothing with out you.I have loved and lost many times this is not even my longest relationship so why cant i get over her.